Flat Stanley on a Flat Earth

Watching a couple take a photo of themselves with their niece's Flat Stanley at the Arizona Desert Museum in Tucson the other day, We were wondering about all the meanings of the word flat. Any small chested woman knows the humiliation of middle school taunts. Luddites who think we can fall off the earth at the end of it, see flat earth as their planet. The stock market can fall and fall and fall, but we are relieved when it is flat. We are not so relieved when sales or tires are flat. Many of us aspire to flat stomachs and maids at the motel have contests over who can make the best flat bed made for the sleeping pleasure of those who drive flatbeds. Hair stylists go for flat styles. We flatten out the pancake after flipping it. When a souffle or cake goes flat we sigh. We can be flat on our backs for sleep, relaxation, pleasure or because we fell with a bang. Garbage compactors flatten household waste. School children sit with hands flat on their desks. Nebraska is the flattest state in the union. Tornadoes can flatten buildings in a moment. We will not know when we flat-line. We should know if we are going flat-out. The gardener rakes the soil flat. We watch Flat Stanley and wonder where he has been; to Nebraska? Is his girlfriend Flat Stella and does she need a bra? Driving off on the flat road they go on to a flat life. We prefer the rolling hills and the nooks and crannies, but we do wish them well.